Be Your Own "Angel"

What’s the gender-binary opposite of a gym bro? Gym babe? Gym b*tch? Maybe... gym lady? None of these sound quite right—and this is also not a particularly important effort. Really, I’m just looking for a fun and enticing hook that will convince you all to keep reading this article about the challenges of being a woman in modern society as a whole, but specifically in the world of fitness. Look, you knew I was eventually going to get up on my soapbox [also known as this blog] to talk about my thoughts on these issues. Now I’m doing it. Enjoy!

 I’ll start by saying something that I think many of my [primarily female] readers already know: while there are many great things about being a woman today, there are also many challenges. I don’t need to go into issues related to unequal pay, the glass ceiling, or threats to reproductive rights that we are facing today. I’m sure you hear about and/or experience these challenges often, and politics is certainly not my domain. That said, I do want to gripe about the problems women have to deal with in the health and fitness world, because I think many of you will be able to relate to this discussion and, for those of you that cannot personally relate, expanding your awareness and understanding of these issues can only be a positive undertaking!

 Growing up in a society that simultaneously sexualizes and stigmatizes the female body presents a unique set of challenges for those of us with said bodies. Women at every point on the spectrum of weight are criticized by both themselves and others for this weight. Not only does society fat-shame some, but it also skinny-shames others. And then we, women, spend our time jockeying back and forth between these extremes, in pursuit of the “perfect” body that, in reality, does not exist. But wait! I see perfect bodies all the time in the media. And that’s part of the problem. There’s a standard set up for what “perfect” or “hot” should look like that is, frankly, totally unattainable for the vast majority of the population. Do not set out to look like Gigi Hadid or Candice Swanepoel—or any other Victoria’s Secret Angels, for that matter. That is very, very likely not a goal that you’re going to be able to meet.

 I actually have an agenda in bringing up Victoria’s Secret, a brand that televises its annual Fashion Show, rife with lingerie-clad supermodels strutting their taut bodies down a catwalk, much to the joy of men like my sophomore-year-of-high-school boyfriend, who taped the show in advance. It’s like a two or three hour extravaganza of semi-nude women, so I guess that has some appeal. And yet, all of these women have very similar bodies. Doesn’t that get boring? Don’t you want to see something real, something attainable? To be fair, I don’t mean to cut down the extensive work that these models put into the show. They are obviously talented, and put in a lot of effort in terms of exercise and diet—and I respect that. But they are also naturally gifted with a certain body type that society has chosen to elevate despite it being so incredibly far from the average. So no, I don’t want to disparage the models themselves. I do, however, want to disparage the perspectives of male Victoria’s Secret executives that limit the show in terms of the scope of bodies that it presents as beautiful.

 I recently read this extremely illuminating article that describes why Victoria’s Secret refuses to include varied shapes and sizes in its show. Apparently, people who don’t have this one type of body disrupt the “fantasy” that the show intends to present, and “no one has any interest” in seeing plus-size or curvy models on stage. I’m not sure where that idea came from, because I would completely disagree. I personally don’t watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show as it stands, but you better believe I would tune in to give the company positive reinforcement in the form of better ratings if they chose to include some women that look more like me. I mean, I don’t get anything out of watching models of that size wear lingerie that the company is trying to sell to me. That’s not what those items would look like if I wore them. In fact, it even makes me think maybe the company’s merchandise is not meant for or wouldn’t look good on someone of my size. In that way, Victoria’s Secret isn’t selling a fantasy to everyone, or even to women at all—this is a purported fantasy directed at men.

 But then again, which men exactly is this for? It seems to me that men [or any people who are attracted to women, actually] love and appreciate women of all shapes and sizes—and ladies, it’s not just for our brains! You can be underweight or overweight or fat or thin or curvy or plus-size or petite and as all of us women know, people are attracted to more than our personalities. I’m a five-foot four-inch, 160 pound woman with curves to spare, and I look nothing like a Victoria’s Secret model. Guess what else—I have a boyfriend who thinks I’m hot! [Sorry for putting this on my public blog, dad]. Crazy, right?! Based on comments from Victoria’s Secret executives, it should be crazy. But it’s not. So who on earth is this supposed “fantasy” for? It makes women feel insecure in their totally normal, beautiful bodies. Men and women disprove it every day when they crush on, daydream about, and sleep with women in bodies that don’t conform to that mould. Ugh. We need to get rid of this idea of a perfect body, because every single body is already perfect and worthy in its own way.

 Another thing that really got me in that same Victoria’s Secret article was a pop-up video ad involving Gigi Hadid—and I found the article that goes with it here. As she talks about what it takes to walk the runway, she says this: “you want to be hungry, but not starving.” I don’t love the idea of talking negatively about other women, especially those who have done many other things that are supportive to their sex. I’m sorry though, this is not in that category. As a celebrity, Gigi Hadid has an influential position with regard to women everywhere, of all ages and levels of impressionability. I understand that she’s talking about the runway, but let me tell you what people hear: in order to look your best, you want to be hungry, but not starving.

 I simply could not disagree with that more. I hate being hungry. I get cranky and tired and stressed, and I know many others do too. Why are we still telling ourselves and each other that hunger is good? Please, eat. Fuel your body. Nourish it, allow it to perform to the best of its abilities. We shouldn’t be striving for hunger. We should be striving to feel full, to feel happy, to feel content and satisfied with ourselves and our accomplishments and our bodies.

 Alright, Quinn. You can decry Victoria’s Secret and runway-model idealization all day long, but how does this tie into health and fitness? Let’s wrap this thing up and remain topical. For me, fitness has been a huge part of distancing myself from the unrealistic expectations of my body that society set up for me. So has eating, and enjoying the food that I eat, practicing intuitive eating strategies rather than counting every calorie. So has being in a healthy, loving relationship for more than two years with someone who appreciate my brain and my personality and my bad jokes but also, yep, loves my body.

 I guess what I want to say is just that I encourage you all to go out there and find the things that make you appreciate your body. In a world where I can feel anxious by holding my body to unrealistic standards and get catcalled [not that this is a good thing, thank you very much] in the same day, it’s easy to feel like our bodies are under attack from all directions. They’re not sexy enough, and yet at the same time they’re so sexy as to elicit unwanted, unsettling attention. Ignore the people you encounter that do buy into the Victoria’s Secret “fantasy” and embrace the body you have. Show it love and appreciation. Dress it in the way that you want, not the way that they want you to or prompt you to. Take ownership of your body.

 I’m not sure what else to say, because it is so, so hard to do all of these things all of the time. We’ve been indoctrinated since childhood with societal stigmas that both objectify and denigrate our bodies, and it’s difficult to escape those fetters. But it really is up to you to reestablish agency over what is your own. I’m not perfect—I don’t love my body the way that I should every single day, and I don’t expect you to either at first. Let’s work towards that together. And sure, we can gripe and complain about it like I’m doing right now, but let’s also collaborate and take action and use our influence as half the world’s population to change what society defines as its fantasy. Let’s create a new, inclusive fantasy.  

[For further reading: the original Vogue interview from November 2018 with chief marketing officer of L Brands (parent company of Victoria's Secret), Ed Razek]