New Year, New Goals... New Me?

While captioning your sparkly Instagram shot related to the onset of 2019 “new year, new me” definitely qualifies as basic, let’s pretend that the title of this post doesn’t. Of course, there are lots of great things about that time of year - sparkly dresses, champagne, midnight kisses – but then you wake up on the glorious first day of a brand new era and you’re faced with the pressure of... wait for it... New Year’s Resolutions.

 I get the hype. We live in a fast-paced, goal-oriented society, which definitely has its perks, and for all of you out there who thrive on the motivational aspects of structured, specific New Year’s Resolutions, more power to you! For me, however, the process of making (and sticking to) a number of goals as the first activity in the new year somewhat stresses me out. I never seem to be able to correctly express exactly what I want to achieve in a way that lends itself to a bulleted list. My family in particular is a very goal-oriented group. I’m the oldest of eight kids in my crazy, amazing, blended household, and our parents love to facilitate everyone penning four goals (oh, and there are categories!) in brightly colored marker on a poster that will inevitably surface on the subsequent New Year’s Eve for us to reflect on our achievements – or lack thereof.

 For as long as I can remember, I’ve been putting down goals like “lose weight,” “get fit,” and “eat healthy.” Then, when my dad comes into the kitchen toting that unmistakable resolutions poster twelve months later, I’m forced to ask myself if I really achieved those things. At the end of 2017, I resolved to “limit myself to one junk food per day.” I definitely did not stick to that goal every single day (in case you don’t know this about me, I have a serious sweet tooth, and said goal was probably unrealistic to begin with). I’m starting to wonder if part of my problem is making such resolutions in the first place.

 When I resolve to “eat healthy,” I end up restricting my intake of the foods I’m really craving, and then when I do allow myself to eat them, I practice anything but moderation. It’s like this: if I can eat Ben & Jerry’s Non-Dairy Cherry Garcia (if you haven’t tried this, you’re not really living) whenever I want, I don’t need to finish the whole pint in one sitting. But if eating that is “not allowed” or “bad,” then once I’ve caved and spent six dollars on the ice cream, I might as well just sit there and down the whole container since in my mind I’ve already done something horrible as soon as I’ve taken one bite.

 I also don’t treat myself to some indulgences that I love – and if I’m not enjoying delicious food, am I living my life to its fullest? There’s this place near my house in Massachusetts that serves something called a “BJ Wrap” – it’s a wrap (or you can get it in sub form) that has chicken tenders, bacon, fries, and mozzarella cheese stuffed into it, plus ranch sauce on the side. Yeah, it’s not an everyday type of thing. But that’s not to say it’s not okay to have that once in a while! Honestly, it’s the perfect combination of delicious and disgusting.

 I haven’t eaten a BJ Wrap in more than two years. Why? Because for me, making strict eating and health goals leaves me afraid to just treat myself to the things I want in an enjoyable way, as I instead binge-eat whatever unhealthy stuff I have around in much larger quantities, continue to crave what I actually wanted in the first place, and on top of that, feel bad about myself for eating “junk.” So, all this to say that my topical New Year’s “resolution” this year is to not make a resolution regarding food.

 This isn’t me deciding I’m going to eat all dessert, all the time. It’s me choosing to let my body tell me what it wants, what will make it feel good, and following that direction. It’s me embracing dessert and “unhealthy” foods in appropriate portions when my body wants to eat them, but also enjoying all of the nutritious and delicious foods that I do like, including chicken, salad, soup, eggs, etc. Food – even dessert! – isn’t the enemy, it’s the fuel that allows my body to perform when I run, row, exercise, or even just speed-walk [lightly jog?] to class.

 So, here’s to a 2019 full of both arugula (the best salad green in my humble opinion) and cheesecake, grapefruit and mac and cheese! I’m excited to work on finding a natural balance in my food habits this year.