The [Running] Voices in My Head

Have you ever experienced one of those dramatic inner dialogues while you’re exercising? Where one part of you tries to convince yourself to stop immediately because it’s too hard and the other part encourages you to keep on pushing and challenge yourself? Although I’ve definitely felt this during other types of exercise, I find it happens to me especially often [see: every time] when I’m running. Since I often run alone, I have lots of time to think while I’m tracing my planned route, allowing for long internal conversations between the different parts of myself.

 Alright, what I’m planning to do here is sort of different, but just bear with me! I want to portray an inside look at what I’m thinking while I run, which I hope will be fun and relatable for some of you. Conversely, it also might be—okay, remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother with the cockamouse (season one, episode seven)? Basically, before that show found its groove, it produced an early episode that took on the tone of a B-rated horror film centering around an apartment pest, the hybrid cockroach-mouse “cockamouse.” In hindsight, the episode feels somewhat out of tune with the flavor of the rest of the series, but at the same time, it’s become a cult classic within the How I Met Your Mother fandom. My point is that this post might be the cockamouse episode of this blog; it may seem experimental and incompatible with other things I’ve written, but hey, maybe it’ll end up a fan favorite!

 I’ve digressed—let’s get to it! Before I start, here are my voices:
Voice A: a truly supportive friend, goal-oriented and very enthused about fitness. She has a 3.9 GPA [damn you, freshman Spanish!], she exclusively wears J. Crew, and she drinks three cups of black coffee every day. Have you heard about her service trip yet?!
Voice B: that part of me that wishes she was still in bed, a big complainer. She hasn’t done laundry in two weeks, so she’s wearing plaid pajama pants and that shirt from Friday that has a tomato soup stain. Yesterday, she unlocked all the bonus levels on Mario Kart Wii. Today, she’s planning to binge-watch Say Yes to the Dress.
Voice C: the manifestation of my subconscious? She provides me with sporadic, random thoughts [often about croissants]. She’s a big-time foodie with a thriving blog who loves a good floral maxi dress. It’s always summer in my subconscious, so why the hell not? She’s been wearing Birkenstocks since ~before they were cool~ and she just wrote an article about the millennial condition. She’s unemployed, so she gets it.

 Alright, here goes. This is what it sounds like in my head over the course of a four-mile run like the one that I did on Thursday:

 Mile One
Voice A: Here we GO! Wow, this feels great! In fact, I’ve never felt so good in my entire life—have you gotten even fitter? You are totally crushing this.
A: Oh my gosh, you’ve already been running for five! whole! minutes! That’s more than half a mile. That’s more than one-eighth done with this whole route!
Voice B: Wait, that’s not really that much. There’s still seven eighths left—
A: Okay, let’s at least finish the first mile before we get into all this negativity.
B: You say negativity, I say pragmatism.  
Voice C: Who decided that chocolate and vanilla get to be the two main ice cream flavors? Like, why are those the ones in all the soft-serve machines? Why not vanilla and, say, cherry? Or peppermint? Or birthday cake? This seems like a real injustice.

 Mile Two
B: Oh my gosh, this is a hill. Yep, I see a hill. I’m so tired already. I definitely can’t do this. We should stop. If we turned left right now we could go around the hill and double back! Now—okay, we missed it. But it’s never too late to literally just stop running.
A: In the time that you’ve been whining, we’ve already made it halfway up the hill. And that wasn’t so bad at all! Oh look, while I’ve been talking, you’ve basically finished it! Yes! That’s what I’m talking about!
B: My calves... my ankles... I seriously am not sure I’m going to make it.
A: We’re almost to the halfway point! Let’s just make it there and then we can reevaluate! Look ahead of you—that big brick building. Once we get there, we turn around.
B: I feel like that isn’t really halfway exactly, seems like a little less—
C: I wonder if I’m going to be able get a job after I graduate. That article I read yesterday about grad school was so depressing. Ugh, I’m part of the absolute worst generation. Wait—this is so relatable! I should write a blog post about this!
A: Hey, look at that—you’ve already made it halfway. Keep on chugging.

 Mile Three
[the song “Sweet but Psycho” comes on]
A: Wow, what perfect timing! This is my song!
B: Literally of course this is your song.
A: Feel the music! Let it push you—wait, hey! Rude.
C: If only I had a good artsy picture to pair with this blog post. Hmm, what have I taken pictures of lately? There’s that blurry picture of a deer I took through my living room window...
B: Could you potentially shut up? Nobody wants to read this angsty millennial blog anyway. Focus on ME please! My ponytail is falling out and my sock has slipped down in my shoe so it’s rubbing on my heel. I’m 1000% sure that I’m getting a blister. You should stop and sort these things out.
A: No, don’t stop! You’re so close now, only a little more than a mile to go! Being a runner is powering through the pain. Blisters will go away, but fitness will last you.
B: The bricks are hurting my feet so badly. I hate running on bricks. I hate running here. I only like running in Massachusetts.
A: Who are you kidding, you hated running in Massachusetts too. Oh my gosh!!! Last mile!!!

 Mile Four
A: Okay, this is the home stretch! You do this literally all the time. It’s nothing. It’s less than ten minutes. It’ll be over before you know it.
B: We’ve already gone so far! It doesn’t even matter if we stop now, you’ve already accomplished so much. It’ll still be a victory.
A: You know what’s the worst feeling in the world? Not finishing your run. Do you want to feel bad? Or do you want to feel amazing, accomplished, admirable? Keep on running—you got this.
C: I’m definitely having a big lunch once I finish this. Maybe that gnocchi I have in the freezer from Trader Joe’s... ooh, maybe croissants!
A: That’s right! Food is going to taste so good after you’ve finished!
B: Wait, I think I see our house. We’re actually kind of close, I guess.  
A: Last minute, let’s go! You could even sprint right now if you want to—
B: NO. For Pete’s sake, just finish consistently. No reason to get crazy now.
[begins sprinting]
B: F*ck. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck. F*ck.
A: YOU DID IT! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! This is how you train for a half marathon! This is how you meet your goals and achieve—
C: Mm, gnocchi.

 That’s all for today folks! Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my runs. Do you have an internal dialogue with yourself when you’re exercising? How do you motivate yourself to push through the challenging parts of a workout? Let me know in the comments below.